Most people will tell you the only way to get better at an instrument, anything really, is to practice, practice, and practice some more; and they’re right. But we’re not here to teach you how to get better, just to how to look better.

Practicing your instrument is one way to survive a concert; successful faking is another. What better way to survive a concert than by riding the coattails of your orchestra mates?

Jokes aside, faking or hiding your mistakes in a concert or in practice is a lot more common than you would think. Alice McVeigh, a cellist and author, says:  “In these economically parlous times, only a handful of the major orchestras in any country attack new compositions on a regular basis, with faking mentioned as necessary in anything from ten to almost ninety per cent of some modern works.”

So how exactly do you fake it?

First, you must have good posture. If you want to look good, you have to look good. Sit up with your back straight, hold your instrument correctly, and make it look like you know what you’re doing. As McVeigh phrases it, “There are two possibilities here: either the ‘completely committed’ forward lean, teeth gritted; or else the ‘this-is-no-problem-for-superstars-like-me’ upright pose, along with the slightly superior smile.”

Second, make sure your bow is in line with everyone else’s, even at the cost at missing notes. If your bow is in the wrong direction from everyone else’s, then it becomes very clear you’re doing something wrong. Watch the person in front of you and just copy their bow stroke. What? You’re in the first row? I would ask how you even got there, but I can’t actually interact with you, so, if you’re in the first row, just look at your stand partner. If you’re principal seat, then do whatever you want with your bow, technically everyone else is supposed to follow you. If both you and your stand partner are in the front row and lost, well, then don’t worry because everyone else behind you is probably just as lost. Synchronize your bows and make everyone else look like a fool (just kidding don’t do that). If possible, try to match the bow speeds, as well.

Third, don’t play passionately. Yes, make it look like you’re playing clear, solid notes, but don’t look like you’re rocking off to the music. Don’t be like that cocky concertmaster who is head banging to Mozart’s symphonies. This grabs too much attention and someone’s bound to notice you faking it. That being said, if you try to slouch out of attention you will attract attention. Just pretend to be confident.

Fourth, decrease the amount of sound you make as much as possible. One way is to tilt your bow forward or backwards a bit so less hair hits the string. Curse at yourself for remembering to rosin before practicing or performing. Don’t risk it by playing off the string, it will be very obvious you’re faking it. It’s near impossible to place your bow just above the string, especially in fast passages.

Fifth, when the shifts come, don’t hesitate or second guess yourself. If you pause between the shift, you will get lost even more and people will notice that you froze a second, then see that you’re completely confused. When you make a shift, make it quick and sharp. It has to be precise, but not accurate. If you can sneak in cotton balls in your ears before the concert, do so, because when the high notes come in, you don’t want people to see your ears bleeding. That would be an obvious giveaway. If you miss your shift, obviously do some fancy vibrato and slowly move your way back.  

Sixth, know where to look. Don’t ever look at the conductor:  They will notice immediately something is up because you’re looking at them and not your music. You can’t exactly look only at your peers, either, because people will notice you aren’t even looking at your music. If your mistake is noticeable, just glance at your stand partner with a concerned face and everyone will think they messed up.

Faking takes a lot of skill and practice. Which is kind of pointless because if you’re going to practice faking it, you might was well just actually learn the music. It would really help your stand partner’s health, too, so just practice.