During our early school years, my friends and I would sit on the alphabet carpet in our
classroom, crowded around our teacher as he regaled us about the future careers we could possibly pursue. A doctor, an architect, and, one of the most important he would mutter, casting his eyes over the girls in the class, a mother.
Ever since I was a child, I have always been lauded for my maternal instincts. To me, however, that never seemed like a compliment.
For the majority of the existence of the female race (okay, basically forever) our only purpose was to cook, clean, and pop babies out like a toaster – or, as many men tastefully put it – “stay home, look pretty, and be quiet.”
But with an economic crisis, increasing options for a woman’s future, and access to a diverse collection of women’s voices through social media, more women are considering being child-free, instead of blindly following social norms.
Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, this trail of thought leads to negative views from both liberals and conservatives. The phrase, “You’ll never know love until you have a baby,” is thrown around, guilt-tripping women. However, this argument is only used against women who are fertile – would this phrase ever be said to women who are not?
On popular social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram, awareness about pregnancy’s downsides is circulating. From videos of OBGYNs describing embarrassing situations occurring during childbirth to lists of risks numbered beyond 200, women are realizing that pregnancy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Another factor complicating the child-free decision is the widespread epidemic of medical paternalism – a phenomenon in which medical professionals make decisions for their patients without their consent. Many women who resolve to be childless decide to get their tubes tied only to find that doctors will belittle them by comparing these educated women to “little girls,” thereby making them feel foolish and off-kilter.
Meanwhile, in a century of “feminist ambition” with more women than ever entering the workforce, the women who do have children struggle. This was certainly true for my mother, a proud woman who worked through a doctoral residency with twins at home. Childcare is expensive. How can we blame someone for wanting to save $17,000 a year for childcare?
While society may push the narrative that women should have children, we need to remember – although the gift of being able to create life is remarkable, that’s all it is. It does not serve as anything more than an extension of womanhood. It does not define the worth of women in society, the workforce, and especially not in the eyes of men.