As summer vacation rapidly approaches – despite our teachers’ claims that there are still 4 weeks left – a little reflection is in order. And if there’s one thing freshman year at Hall has taught me, it’s not how to graph sinusoids, or how to conjugate Spanish verbs in the imperfect. It’s not how to study or self advocate either. No, if I’ve learned a singular lesson from high school, it’s how to run a Ponzi scheme to perfection.

Now, I’m sure this claim appears outrageous. But the everyday life of a high school student has more in common with that of a crime boss than you would expect. Let’s begin with a quick history lesson.

Pyramid schemes generate revenue by recruiting members to pay a fee to a single leader. Once the leader is paid, he or she exits the scheme, and the new members move up a level in the scheme while new recruits fill their place. People join with the hope of one day becoming the leader and receiving a payout. However, the need to constantly find more new recruits makes pyramid schemes unsustainable, and the majority of members lose money. As such, the schemes are often illegal.

Ponzi schemes are a more sinister variation on the average pyramid scheme. In this scam, a crook poses as a financial operator who, instead of engaging in legitimate business, pockets investors’ money. To pay back their debts with interest, the operator will take more money from more people, and then repeat the process – “robbing Peter to pay Paul,” as they call it. Charles Ponzi, the scheme’s namesake, was well known for applying these tactics to make exorbitant sums of money at the expense of his investors in the 1920s (if there’s another thing I learned from high school, it might be how to paraphrase Wikipedia).

At Hall, the students don’t steal money. They steal time. With mountains of homework and hours of extracurriculars, they often have no other option. Once you miss the first assignment, you have no choice but to finish it the day it’s due in first period history. But now, you have a new problem. When will you do the history work you just missed? Fifth period Spanish, of course!

At first, all seems breezy. With some extra time you slip into your own pocket, you are finally free to hang out with friends, or watch a movie. The adrenaline rush of a living a life in crime is exhilarating. Suddenly, you find you’ve developed a strange preference for Italian food. But then you start missing more and more assignments. You have to borrow more and more time from other classes.

The cycle compounds on itself, until eventually, every assignment is completed the period before it is due. As Charles Ponzi probably said: “The Feds are closing in!” Weekends offer a brief respite, but are never enough to settle your temporal debts. No Ponzi scheme can last forever. The most successful scams are the ones that manage to last the longest. And the everyday life of a student at Hall is centered around keeping the racket going (and their grades acceptable).

Of course, there comes a time in every Ponzi when you run out of other people’s money – or time. It’s clear that some investors must be defaulted on. With summer just around the corner, the question looms: Which ones will lose?

It can’t be English; you’re barely holding onto a B in that class. Science? Maybe. Definitely math. Every day is another saga in your trial for fraud. The jury returns a string of harsh verdicts. The judge sentences you to zero after zero on homework assignments. You begin to imagine a fate worse than jail – failing a grade. Your perfectly executed Ponzi scheme falls to pieces before your very eyes.

At last, it’s finals week. After borrowing just a bit more time to study, you manage to pull through. With an acceptable report card, you’re paroled for good behavior. The sweet freedom of summer is finally upon you. Even more liberating is the knowledge that your crime days are behind you. It feels as if an enormous weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

July passes peacefully, but soon August – and another school year – is upon you. With a new resolve to live life on the straight and narrow this time around, you finish your work without procrastinating. Yet temptation lies at every turn. There’s a new Marvel movie. Your friends invite you to hang out. The Hall-Conard football game is the weekend before your Spanish project is due.

But that’s a school sponsored activity. As a Hall student, it’s your duty to go. Isn’t it? Oh, that Spanish project can wait until first period history. To paraphrase Al Pacino – just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in!